Grab yourself a cuppa and a biscuit, or even better, some low fat crisps and a bottle of Prosecco ( there’s less calories) and get comfy. This may take me some time….
I used to write a diary. I can remember quite clearly being a young girl, writing down my various important feelings and opinions and hiding my diary away so that my sisters and brothers couldn’t find my innermost thoughts. Then life took over. I left home, got a job worked, had a family and I lost time and my innermost thoughts no longer seemed important enough to document.
I’ve decided, given recent events to again start documenting the happenings in my life, if for no other reason than to give the rest of you a bit of a giggle. I sit here some nights and wonder if it is just me? If I didn’t laugh, I think I would cry. So hopefully, someone, somewhere will read what I have to say and at least either agree with my thoughts or maybe even laugh with me at my misfortune and seemingly endless bad luck.
But first, let me tell you how I ended up in the strange situation I currently find myself in.
For 17 years I had been in a relationship. We were best friends. We had two children and for a while I couldn’t be happier. Cracks would show, and id paper over them like I did with most problems. I was a bit of a martyr and had always been told if i’d made my bed, I had to lie in it. Well, people, lie in it I did.
We’d stopped talking about the silly stuff, we only spoke about the kids really. I did everything – and I mean everything. DIY, Car stuff, cleaning, kids, school runs, dinner on the table by 5, I was even the one to remind him to ring his mum on birthdays etc…. I was out of the door for a night shift by 6, where I worked until sometimes 2 in the morning and then was up again to get the kids ready for school, and so my day would start again.
There came a point last year when I realised I was worth more, I once again started to value myself. I was more than just Mum, or a cleaner, a washwoman, a cook. I remembered I had a name and that I used to have a personality. People talk about light bulb moments and you think, ‘yeah, yeah it just came to you like that did it?’. But it did, on the way back from our holiday – something happened, I wont bore you with the details, but something in my head just shouted, no, screamed at me ‘NO MORE’.
It took a few weeks or so find the courage and determination to do what I knew I needed to do, and probably what I should have done for both our sakes a long time ago. Once I had done it, I was sad for the children, but inside I felt like a giant weight had been lifted and I felt more free and at peace with myself than I had done in longer than I could remember.
So, here I am; not so young, but free and single and quite ready to mingle – do people still say that? I have no idea.
I am thinking this blog will be predominantly about my foray into the dating world – a scary prospect for a single Mum, pushing 40 with two children under 10. Its not like I remember, far more awkward and faceless as it all seems to happen online. And let me tell you there are some weirdos out there. Hiding behind the dating apps on their smart phones. That my darling readers I will document in the next thrilling installment.
Love you muchly
DeeDee
Plenty of Fishy Messages 