Grab yourself a cuppa and a biscuit, or even better, some low fat crisps and a bottle of Prosecco ( there’s less calories) and get comfy. This may take me some time….

I used to write a diary. I can remember quite clearly being a young girl, writing down my various important feelings and opinions and hiding my diary away so that my sisters and brothers couldn’t find my innermost thoughts. Then life took over. I left home, got a job worked, had a family and I lost time and my innermost thoughts no longer seemed important enough to document.

I’ve decided, given recent events to again start documenting the happenings in my life, if for no other reason than to give the rest of you a bit of a giggle. I sit here some nights and wonder if it is just me? If I didn’t laugh, I think I would cry. So hopefully, someone, somewhere will read what I have to say and at least either agree with my thoughts or maybe even laugh with me at my misfortune and seemingly endless bad luck.

But first, let me tell you how I ended up in the strange situation I currently find myself in.

For 17 years I had been in a relationship. We were best friends. We had two children and for a while I couldn’t be happier. Cracks would show, and id paper over them like I did with most problems. I was a bit of a martyr and had always been told if i’d made my bed, I had to lie in it. Well, people, lie in it I did.

We’d stopped talking about the silly stuff, we only spoke about the kids really. I did everything – and I mean everything. DIY, Car stuff, cleaning, kids, school runs, dinner on the table by 5, I was even the one to remind him to ring his mum on birthdays etc…. I was out of the door for a night shift by 6, where I worked until sometimes 2 in the morning and then was up again to get the kids ready for school, and so my day would start again.

There came a point last year when I realised I was worth more, I once again started to value myself. I was more than just Mum, or a cleaner, a washwoman, a cook. I remembered I had a name and that I used to have a personality. People talk about light bulb moments and you think, ‘yeah, yeah it just came to you like that did it?’. But it did, on the way back from our holiday – something happened, I wont bore you with the details, but something in my head just shouted, no, screamed at me ‘NO MORE’.

It took a few weeks or so find the courage and determination to do what I knew I needed to do, and probably what I should have done for both our sakes a long time ago. Once I had done it, I was sad for the children, but inside I felt like a giant weight had been lifted and I felt more free and at peace with myself than I had done in longer than I could remember.

So, here I am; not so young, but free and single and quite ready to mingle – do people still say that? I have no idea.

I am thinking this blog will be predominantly about my foray into the dating world – a scary prospect for a single Mum, pushing 40 with two children under 10. Its not like I remember, far more awkward and faceless as it all seems to happen online. And let me tell you there are some weirdos out there. Hiding behind the dating apps on their smart phones. That my darling readers I will document in the next thrilling installment.

Love you muchly

DeeDee

POF

My Dear Readers,

I was feeling like I was finally ready to start dating again and given the fact that my ex had already jumped into a new relationship – I thought how hard can it be?

After doing some real backbreaking research whilst drinking copious amounts of Prosecco one night with the my ever faithful drunk of a best friend. We decided that if for no other reason than to get me talking to men again, it would be wise to set me up on a dating site. After discussion, we decided on POF. Easy to use plus I didn’t really like the idea of something as cold as a swipe left or right if you happen to like somebodies face.

For those in the know POF stands for Plenty of Fish. I don’t know about you, but the prospect of dating and actually doing the small talk thing and starting from scratch with another man sent shivers down my spine. I had completely forgotten how to have small talk, how to talk to men. However, I agreed to give it a go.

So after carefully selecting some half decent photos of myself from my photo album. We set about writing a profile that would encourage (lure) prospective suitors to message me.

From pretty much the get go, I was swamped with notification bells and messages going off left right and centre. Scary really, but at the same time gave my confidence a little lift. I thought perhaps this wont be so bad, men want to talk to me. I had to turn the notifications sounds off as they were starting to do my head in. It was constant.

Once I had familiarised myself with the app, I set about reading messages from what I thought were like minded individuals looking for a bit of happiness.

Good God, how wrong I was.